Question:
I am currently going through a divorce and realizing I have lived my entire life to meet the expectations of others and please them. From my parents to my husband, to my sister, minister and even my friends, I have been the “good girl”. It’s hard to think I don’t know who I am or what I want from life. I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. All I know is it’s time for a change. I want a purpose, I want to make an impact like we talk about here, just don’t know how. Help? – Name supplied
Answer:
First I want to acknowledge you for reaching out for help on such a soul level. I have what some may call ‘good and bad news’. You already have your answer, however it will take some difficult moments, hard choices and a great deal of extending yourself and others. It will require grace to discover an actionable awareness of yourself so you can make some moves. I invite you to try on a practice I call “Living Beyond Your Labels”. This is a five step process that has no time limit and you may find yourself repeating steps; this is where extending yourself grace will come in.
Living Beyond Your Labels Practice
(I recommend starting a Labels Journal and map out all the labels that are currently demanding your attention. Take each label through the practice. It’s normal for you to not make it through all the steps during your first few times.)
- Awareness – Get aware of the label(s) Mom, Wife, Daughter that are currently making decisions in your situation, relationship or circumstance. Don’t judge them, just be with them so that you can clearly identify them and their expectations.
- Appreciate – Discover how you can be grateful or have appreciation in why the label(s) Good Girl, Sister, Friend are showing up. How are you benefiting from them being present?
- Ownership – Find ways to take ownership of the label(s) This may be difficult if you identify the label(s) as negative or bad, however taking ownership will give you peace and power.
- Let Go – Letting go can be one of the hardest and most important steps in this process. Most of our suffering occurs when we hold on to our label(s) too tightly. Mainly because we believe we are our label(s). What is true is we are our labels and we are not our labels at the same time. The truth is we are much more than our labels.
- Acceptance- Once you let go, accept your decision. Find a peace in your knowing that you can and are making the decision for your life and not your label(s).
Remember to Breathe, this is a practice, not something you can just checklist your way through. Your relationship to yourself and others are worth it. Living Beyond Your Labels is at its core a tool to help you stay on your journey of self awareness, self acceptance and self love. The more you know You the more you will show up in your work, your relationships and for yourself. “You are Purpose”
Questions that can guide you through the process.
- What label or labels are currently present? What are they needing from me? What are they wanting me to say or do?
- Can I accept the label’s concerns or demands? If so, why? If not, why not?
- Can I appreciate and own why these labels are present? If so, why? If not, why not?
- Can I let go or separate myself from the labels and make a decision, choice or take an action from a place of freedom. If so, why? If not, why not?
- Complete this statement. “When I make the decision for my life I feel………”
William Brown is a Business Life Coach, Speaker and Author at Iamwilliambrown.com. William helps Solopreneur and future Entrepreneurs gain an actionable awareness of themselves so that they can show up authentic in their work, their relationship and for themselves.