By KATHRYN POPE
Breathe, Centre, Connect. I am an Edgewalker.
What made that so difficult to write? So difficult to say out loud?
When invited to contribute I said yes. Quickly, before resistance could stop me.
Before I suggest someone better, more qualified. My pattern. Do you recognise that too?
Ever since, I have wrestled with what to write. Who am I to write anything? What value can I offer? What do I know? How many times have you experienced this? What is it that we find so challenging? To be seen? To be vulnerable? To show off?
It brought to mind the Marianne Williamson piece:
'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.’
I have been contemplating this, curious about my own ‘stuff’ as the deadline loomed. Who am I?
I have taken time to reflect, look back, look inside, ask questions, stay with the discomfort and the not-knowing and be curious.
Working with myself as I work with others; sometimes being gentle, or challenging, or playful. Not being distracted by deflections and mis-directions, looking and sensing well beneath the surface.
Staying with it, holding the silence and the space, the emotions, the uncertainty, the fear and the confusion. Utilising my wisdom, my intuition, my whole body and all my senses.
This is what I do when I coach and work with others.
I have been deeply present. In my whole self – not just in my head. Avoiding easy answers, solutions or rushing to hasty conclusions. I have held the space – however uncomfortable, with curiosity and compassion for myself.
I am deeply skilled at thinking with others, partnering with them, laughing and dancing with them, and walking with them at the edge.
I see their magnificence, when they do not. I help them access it, when they think they cannot.
I am comfortable at the edge.
For me, when I partner with another there, it is a wonderful space of calm, creativity, peace, joy and possibility. In fact, I love it at the edge – it is where what seemed impossible becomes possible. It is where there is growth, transformation, quantum shifts.
It is an amazing place, never the same twice.
When you approach the edge, you know it, and then like the horizon or the end of a rainbow, it just expands and stretches further. There is always more.
For me, it is not a space of answers per se, it is a space of possibilities, insights and more curious questions.
This is a space that I can embrace in partnership. So why is it hard to articulate and own?
I realise that what often gets in the way is knowing my own imperfections. Believing, at some level, that I cannot own or accept my calling if I am not 100% sorted in my life. I am a typically flawed human, who does on occasion shout at her children, have judgemental thoughts, forget stuff.
Who am I to be an edgewalker, if I am not zen-like with all my own stuff sorted? Do any of you ever catch yourself in that space? I didn’t think it was just me!
And when I fear I will not find a way through, finally, I remember:
I am the young child who watched, listened, noticed and felt the dissonance in others
I am the child whose mother always had a ‘little grey
lady’ in the spirit world who guided her
I am the child whose father conformed to business expectations all his working life, and then became a Reiki Master and healer in his last decade
I am the child who couldn’t understand why people didn’t feel the energy in the room
I am the woman who sees all the chakra colours when I close my eyes
I am the woman who feels the energy of their clients, and asks questions (verbally or energetically) that arise unknown from that space
I am the woman who has spent 30 years bridging the worlds of business and spirit
I am the woman who has a chakra walk in her garden inspired by the Chalice Well in Glastonbury
I am the woman who uses feng shui to balance their home and garden
I am the woman who studied at the school of Psychic studies in London
I am the woman who birthed, and nurtures 3 amazing crystal children
I am the woman who stands up to challenge and who champions others
I am the woman who is inspired by nature and honours the seasons
I am the woman who physically grounds to reach out into the universe
I am the woman called to be a healer
I am the woman who sees and feels all that
I am seen.
I am enough. I am an Edgewalker.
The world needs us right now. We are being called.
I accept my calling.
I will do my part, to the best of my abilities. With joy – with laughter – with love. That is all that is asked, and it is more than enough And I invite you to do the same.
Edgewalker calling fellow Edgewalkers. I see you.
Walk with me to the edge and in the words of Christopher Logue:
Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and he pushed,
And they flew.