A life enhancing system of yes and no’s. Stop signs and borders you install to protect yourself so that it is clear that you own your own life and pursue an authentic expression of who you are in the way you live, love, give and relate. and boundaries are so very important to us as changemakers.
Let me be clear, you already have a personal boundary system, you’ve spent a lifetime building it. But like a smoke alarm it can either be connected and ready to protect you or it can be hanging by its wires, disconnected and unable to warn you of danger. It’s impossible for you to thrive without strong boundaries and it all starts with you.
You protect what you care about. When you are clear on where you end and others begin, when you adopt full ownership of your life, you naturally become your own best friend. You will naturally build better boundaries. Your boundary system simply defines you, it identifies what you will, and will not allow into your life. You make your own conscious choices. It lets others know who you are, what you want, and what you can give.
Boundaries have three purposes: to protect you, to preserve you, to promote your presence. Let me be clear they are not about you closing down to life either, they actually enable you to feel safe to open your energy field.
Boundaries start with how you show up in your energy and it starts with signs that others pick up intuitively, to begin with think about the way you look (clothing, hair, accessories, shoes, style, conformity or non conformity etc) - the way you sound (words, voice, speech patterns, or laugh) - the way you move (stride, posture, body shape, gestures, mannerisms) - the way you seem (attitude, spirit, social confidence, professional ease, things you talk about) Are the signs you are communicating what you want to portray?
Next, think about what matters to you, your values, your beliefs. You always know when someone oversteps a boundary because an internal alarm will go off. Your intuition is valuable here, as is your conscience, moral & ethical compass, your integrity and emotions. Being in your body will help you to interpret the sensations of what is going on for you, and when you feel a boundary has been discounted, diminished or you just feel disheartened. Listen.
Finally, how do you activate your boundaries, what can you do when an alarms sounds and your boundaries are being challenged?…
It helps to have clear agreements with people so there is clarity around your expectations of what will and won’t happen, then when an alarm sounds its easy to remind them of your prior agreements. Be confident in your knowledge of yourself so you can protect your boundaries with words like “No that’s not my style”.
Be clear in your commitment to your goals “I’m sorry that’s not taking me in the direction I want to go”. And own your boundaries. Think about your signs, your appearance, is it authentic and appropriate? Do you move confidently to show your intention with a spirit of enthusiasm and yet a calm knowing? If you do this people will trust you and your energy.
You do however need to speak up to implement your boundaries and I’m going to talk to a stereotype for a moment - if you are female, sensitive and empathic just hear me when I say sometimes “no” is a complete sentence. It is okay to say “no”.
I’d like you to explore why boundaries are important and also what boundaries do you have in place in your life professionally and personally? I meet lots of people who don’t have any boundaries at all , they just let everything in and I’ve had said to me many times that “I just don’t believe in boundaries” so I’m really interested in your true perspective, there’s no right or wrong here.
Do you love yourself enough to create and implement your boundaries?